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"shenken" (to donate)
"bayshtayer" (donation)
"zamlen" (to collect)
"der shtikn" (to choke)
"gelekhter" (laughter)
"rateven" (to rescue)
"betler" (beggar/shnorrer)
"havtokhe" (pledge)
So, two beggars are sitting on the pavement in Ireland. One is holding a large Cross and the other a large Star of David. "Beyde" (both) are holding hats to collect contributions. As people walk by, they lift their noses at the guy holding the Star of David but drop money in the other guy’s hat.
Soon one hat is nearly "ful" (full) while the other hat is "pust" (empty). A priest watches and then approaches the men. He turns to the guy with the Star of David and says, "Don’t you realize that this is a Christian country? You’ll never get any contributions in this country holding a Star of David."
The guy holding the Star of David then turns to the guy holding the Cross and says, "Hymie, look who’s trying to teach us Marketing." (Source: David Minkoff)
Two more fund-raising jokes:
"Did you hear about the UJA fundraiser who got mugged? The attacker got sway with more than a million dollars in pledges."
And then there’s the story about Esther and Morris who are on an "aeroplan" (airplane) flying to Israel. The Captain announced over the PA system, "Ladies and Gentlemen, I am afraid I have "shlekht" (bad) news. Our engines have ceased functioning and we’re going down "teykef" (immediately.) However, we’re landing on a deserted "indzl" (island) and the odds are that we will never be rescue." The plane lands and everyone is "besholem" (safe/unharmed).
"Esther, did we pay our UJA pledge?" "Oh, my G-d, I forgot to send a check!" Now Morris laughs. "One last thing, Esther, did you remember to send our Temple Building Fund this month?" "Oy, Morris, I forgot that one, too." Now Morris is practically choking with "gelekhter" (laughter).
Morris has a "likhtikhn shmeykhl"--a bright smile. Esther asks Morris, "So what are you smiling and laughing about?"
Morris replies, "THEY’LL FIND US."
This "zumer" (summer) thousands of people are dumping a "emer" (bucket) of "ayz vaser" (ice water) on their heads. They are cooling off to raise money for ALS (AKA "Lou Gehrig’s Disease"). Donations in the past two weeks have totaled about $1.35 million.
A young man (29-years old) named Pete Frates, a former Boston College "beybsol" (baseball) player was diagnosed with ALS in 2012. Pete is married and has a baby due shortly. He is now paralyzed, eats through a feeding tube and cannot talk. He uses a "kompyuter" (computer) with eye retina software to communicate. "Er vet shoyn keyn honik nit lekn." (Things won’t be easy for him.)
Pete has decided to raise awareness for the disease with the Ice Bucket Challenge.
Here’s how it works: Dump a bucket of "ayz vaser" (ice water) over your head and nominate someone else to do the same. Then give a donation. This social media phenomenon has attracted the attention of many prominent people: Martha Stewart, Justin Timberlake, Matt Lauer, pro-golfer, Greg Norman, Jimmy Fallon, Elizabeth Banks, and 88-year-old, Ethel Kennedy. Kennedy nominated President Obama to take the challenge. He’s passing, but still donating money. FYI: Matt Lauer donated to the Hospice of Palm Beach County.
Although there is no cure ("refue") for ALS, the fundraising is a "splashing success." John Frates, Pete’s dad, said, "Who knew all it would take was a bag of ice and a bucket?"
"Oyf dray zakhn shteyt di velt; oyf gelt, oyf gelt un oyf gelt." (The world stands on three things: money, money, and money.) So, dump the ice water on "zikh" (yourself) now. Take the Ice Bucket Challenge and pass the challenge on to others.
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