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Marjorie Gottlieb Wolfe
Syosset, New York
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Paul Dixon ("Words") defines "frugalflaunt" as conspicuous nonconsumption; to flaunt one's frugality. Putting your compost heap in the front yard is frugalflaunting. As is going to a sumptuous buffet and taking only bean sprouts and parsley.
A "frugalflaunt" (n.) is a person who says he wants a Cuisinart but is holding off until they come out with a solar powered model. A "frugalflaunt"is someone who brags that she never pays full price for a Broadway show; she gets her tickets from TDF!
Who is one of the most famous penny pinching cheapskates? Jack Benny? Was Jack Benny really cheap? No. Benny was known as one of the most generous men in Hollywood, regularly making charitable contributions to a variety of funds. At one time he gave $1 "milyon" to an actor's retirement home. He commented once that being cheap (being a "shnorer") had cost him a bundle, as he found that he always had to overtip his "kelner" (waiter) to compensate for his stingy image.
How did his "kharakter" (character) come to be cheap? Benny had a variety of jokes in vaudeville. His first cheap joke was, "I took my girl to dinner, and she laughed so hard at one of my jokes that she dropped her tray." These jokes played well with "der oylem" (the audience), and he continued to expand on them as his character became known for being close with the dollar (and every other monetary denomination).
And which member of the Kennedy clan was also cheap? Ethel Kennedy, now 84, was a famously penny-pinching fashionista in later years. She introduced the miniskirt and other kinky fashions.
When it came to paying for style, Ethel could be a penny pincher. If she saw something that she liked in Vogue, she asked Madame Paul, the Georgetown dressmaker, to make her a knockoff. (The dressmaker said that she didn't do exactly ("punkt") the same, but something similar.)
In addition, Ethel often tried to get clothing by using her influence ("bashpoe") as a Kennedy. She wrangled designer dresses for cost ("prayz"), plus 10 percent. Ethel felt you were a fool ("shmendrik"/ /"shmegege") if you bought clothing at retail.
Ethel even had the "chutzpa" to shop, wear, and "tsurikkumen" (to return) clothing to stores like Bloomingdale's and Saks Fifth Avenue in Washington. Items sometimes came back damaged or missing pieces.
At a chic Chevy Chase, MD, boutique, she bought a $750 Oleg Cassini to wear at an event at which she was photographed. The assistant manager who sold Ethel the dress saw the photo in the newspaper and clipped it out. Soon after, one of Ethel's servants nervously arrived at the shop with the dress boxed for return, with Ethel's message that it had never been worn. The dress looked like a "limp rag" and the store sent her a note stating, "We are not a second-hand store." (Source: "The Other Mrs. Kennedy," New York Post, July 31, 2012)
And then there's the story about the Garment Center manufacturer who, after many years of scrimping and saving, had a fabulous "sezon" (season). Being the thrifty sort, the fellow invested his money in government bonds. When the bonds matured, he took out all the money and bought a beautiful mansion in Southampton, Long Island.
Soon after the "gliklekh" (happy) man and his wife moved into their new home, they began to mingle with the other residents of the town. They were invited to everyone's home, and then, too, invited their neighbors over for gatherings.
After dinner, everybody went into the drawing room. In no time at all, the guests were engrossed in conversation about the great names in "muzik" (music) and their wonderful contributions. They discussed Beethoven, Brahms, Bach, Tschaikowsky and Mozart. And when Mozart's name was mentioned, the hostess commented loudly so all her guests might hear, "Mozart! I knew him well. In fact, I saw him on the red bus going to the beach this morning."
At this there was a sudden hush ("shtilkayt")--silence. All the guests looked up and stared at her. However, they were all too discreet to say anything.
Late that night, when all his guests were gone, the host confronted his wife: "You had to be such a smart aleck! You had to show off your brains! Do you know you made a fool out of yourself "haynt bay nakht" (tonight)! You ought to know that the red bus doesn't go to the beach!"
And, another joke about "frugalflaunts": A stingy, penny-pinching boss died. Despite his parsimonious habits, his partner and other associates, decided to give him a big funeral. On the day of the burial, the deceased was taking his final ride in a big "shvarts"(black) Cadillac. Directly behind him in the next car was his partner of 30 years.
Just before they reached Pinelawn cemetary, a big "koyln" (coal) truck pulled out from a side road into an opening between the two cars and joined the procession.
Upon seeing the coal truck in front of him, the partner commented sadly, "I knew where Harry was going, but I didn't know he had to furnish his own coal!"
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