FINANCIAL INFIDELITY IN MARRIAGE
by
Marjorie Gottlieb Wolfe

Syosset, New York

These Yiddish words will be used in the following article:

• "LIGNER" (LIAR)
• "SOD" (SECRET)
• "KHASENE GEHAT" (MARRIED)
• "EMES" (TRUTH)

What is financial infidelity in marriage?  Elle Martinez ("How to Catch Financial Infidelity in Marriage Red-Handed," Go Banking Rates, 2/8/12) says, "For me, hiding things from your spouse--a bank account, a bonus, your credit card's REAL balance--crosses that line." 

Money Magazine (June 2014) reported that "SPOUSES AREN'T COMING CLEAN WITH EACH OTHER."  Their survey found that nearly a quarter of married people don't tell their spouse about things they've bought.  About the same number fib about cost  ("der prayz")--and expect that their spouse does the same.  And about 6% of spouses even have a separate financial account that they don't want their partner to know about.

Previous studies by Credit Canada and Capital One Financial showed that spouses generally lie about purchases to avoid arguments.  (Note:  The Yiddish word meaning "to argue" is "taynen.")   There's a fear of repercussions--"If my spouse knew what I was spending, he/she would divorce me!" Source:  Chuck Jaffe/Market Watch

Money counselor, Ruth Hayden, says that there are some telltale signs that help distinguish injurious money secrets from those that are merely innocuous:

She says, "If it feels bad, it's infidelity."  "As long as I'm not doing something with the money that breaks a code for us, an agreement or moral issue, then we're fine.  Trust is the key with any kind of infidelity."  Note:  The Yiddish word for "trust" is "tsutroy."

And Jay MacDonald says that "women are more likely to stray financially (33% vs. 26%), in part because they tend  to oversee the household budget ("budzhet")." Honesty ("erlekhkayt") shrinks as the holiday (Hanukkah, Christmas, etc.) spirit increases

We all know the saying, "Money is the root of all evil."  Sneaky spending can be a hard habit to break.  Dr. Phil has advice for keeping marital and financial harmony:  "Don't hide your spending habits from your spouse."

Shown below are some Yiddish sayings that deal with honesty, truth, and lies:

• Truth is the safest lie.
  "Der emess iz der bester lign."
  
  
• One lie is a lie, two are lies, but three is politics.
  "Ainer iz a ligen, tsvai iz ligens, drei iz politik."
  
  
• Half a truth is a whole lie.
  "A halber emes iz a gantser lign."
  
  
• With a fairy tale and with a lie you can lull only children to sleep.
   "Mit a meisseh un mit a ligen ken men nor kinder farvigen."
  
  
• A liar never believes anyone else.
  "A ligner glaibt kainmol nit."
  
  
• A lie you must not tell; the truth you don't have to tell.
  "A ligen tor men nit zogen; dem emess iz men nit m'chuyev zogen."
  
  
• The truth can walk around naked; the lie has to be clothed.
  "Der emes ken arumgeyn a naketer; dem lign darf men bakleydn."
  
  
• A liar tells the story so often that he gets to believe himself.
  "A ligner hert zich zeineh ligen azoi lang ein biz er glaibt zikh alain."
  
  
• No one believes a liar even when he tells the truth.
  "A ligner glaibt men nit, afileh az er zogt dem emess."
  
  
• A liar must have a good memory.
  "A ligner darf hoben a guten zechron."

------------------------------------------

MARJORIE WOLFE agrees with Elle Martinez:  "From what I've seen, financial infidelity is NOT about money.  It's just a symptom of a bigger problem, whether it is control, fear, trust or selfishness.  Couples who deal with the underlying cause of it tend to survive and grow in their relationship.  Just focusing on the money doesn't usually fix the problem.

Marjorie and her late husband, Howard, never fought over money.  If he questioned her purchase of ripped jeans, she would simply quote Jackie Mason:  "Eighty-year-old Jewish women are walking around with torn jeans on Fifth Avenue....and they call it couture."

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___________________________________________
Marjorie Gottlieb Wolfe is the author of
two books:

"Yiddish for Dog & Cat Lovers" and
"Are Yentas, Kibitzers, & Tummlers Weapons of Mass Instruction?  Yiddish
Trivia."  To order a copy, go to her
website: MarjorieGottliebWolfe.com

NU, what are you waiting for?  Order the book!

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