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“MAKH NIT KEYN TSIMES FUN DEM”*
*In Yiddish, “makh nit keyn tsimes fun dem” means “Don’t make a fuss about it.”
Marjorie Gottlieb Wolfe
Syosset, New York
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*In Yiddish, “makh nit keyn tsimes fun dem” means “Don’t make a fuss about it.”
I like this quote by American writer, Carol Emshwiller:
“As a mother I have served longer than expected.”
On the “vebzayt” (website), “Dear Jewish Humor Lady, - Jewish Humor, Laughs and Jewish Jokes for Chosen People,” we find the following letter:
DEAR JEWISH HUMOR LADY,
Do you know of any support group for parents whose children refuse to move back home?
We have several 20-something children who have all finished school, are without jobs and can’t figure out what to do with the rest of their lives. I firmly believe that in today’s economy, it would be foolhardy not to move back home where meals, lodging and unconditional love are free.
My husband and I could use the emotional support that a group might provide. Do you know where we could find such a group, or does this association only exist in my head along with all those other voices?
[signed] Tearing Out What’s Left of My Husband’s Hair
AND THE REPLY:
DEAR TEARING,
I do know of one organization called NEVER CUT THE CHORD.
As a bubbie of too many grandchildren that I’ve lost count (Ed note: you can never have enough grandchildren), I also suggest holding an informal get-together meeting over a Sabbath lunch...your treat to start. But you are correct. Families with aging children living at home today have a lot more on their plates than pizza pops.
You and your husband must lay down some rules: The most important being that your babies are always grateful and behave with dignity while they sponge off you for the rest of their lives. The second is that they must at some point during their stay, actively look for work (and marry someone who will).
Finally, you might also want to legally will the house to the lot of them so you can go
off to your final resting place knowing that your kids will always have a roof over their
heads.
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This question reminds me of an article which I wrote many years ago for Playbill magazine’s “A View From The Audience”:
We arrived home from the theatre having seen ALONE TOGETHER, starring Janis Paige and Kevin McCarthy. As the mother of three sons--similar in age to Elliot, Keith and Michael Butler--I could empathize with George and Helene Butler: one by one the chicks have flown off to begin college, careers, set up apartments in lofts, or do whatever else chicks do in the mid 80’s. They’re gone! They’re gone!
No more “Boom Boxes,” knapsacks, tents, preppy jokes, transcendental meditation, and remarks like “Oh, Mom, that’s corroded!”
I was beginning to feel like a Hollywood star, sitting pretty and self-assured on her puffy white sofa amid Indian rugs, healthy plants, books and the latest issue of Architectural Digest. Dad was pouring me some Baileys Irish Cream...and the telephone rang.
“Collect call from Jon Wolfe. Will you accept it?” the operator asked.
“Yes,” I answered.
Jon is our 25-year-old “Bungineer” (Business Engineer), who is living in a high-priced broom closet in New York City. I was quick to learn that he was experiencing an unanticipated adverse cash-flow problem. The swelling costs of his rock-bottom necessities brought about the “heat or eat” phenomenon; he had to rob his own pantry to pay the power company.
“What happened, son?” I asked.
“Oh, haven’t you heard John Naisbett speak? Employers are leasing rather than hiring employees. I told you that I should have majored in Sabermetrics [the mathematical an statistical study of baseball] or Oneology [the study of wine]. Matt, a graduate of the Culinary Institute of America (CIA) is making megabucks.”
“Mom, remember when you said that ‘Home is a place you don’t need a reservation?’ Well, it looks like I’ll be moving back home--temporarily, of course. I’m at the Hicksville railroad station.”
I felt myself growing despondent. The temptation was to simply “take off” as Helene Butler did in the second act of ALONE TOGETHER. Instead, I sent dad to the railroad station and dialed my radio friend, Bernard Meltzer (WOR’s, “What’s Your Problem?”) His advice had always been homespun and sympathetic--and perhaps he could be of some assistance.
I carefully explained to Dr. Meltzer that...
on “finding and renting an apartment in New York.”
Bernard listened, offered me two T-shirts, and gave me the following advice:
“Accept your feelings, but remember that among the best home furnishings are children.
However, no matter what perilous activities your young adults are into, a check can do
no harm.”
Jon accepted our loan, renewed his lease and continued job hunting. Although money
can’t buy love, health, happiness...it did allow Howard and I to be ALONE TOGETHER.
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