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THAT IS THE QUESTION
Marjorie Gottlieb Wolfe
Syosset, New York
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Circumcisions have been making the news lately.
In Billy Crystal's new book, "Still Foolin 'Em - Where I've Been, Where I'm Going, and Where the Hell Are My Keys," he describes his bris:
"First seven days, perfect. I was doing great, sleeping in, clocking twenty hours a night.
Then day 8, they wake me up and somebody with a black hat and a beard ("bord") cut
off the tip of my penis. I've been up ever since. Insomnia. I can't sleep."
Leo Rosten ("The New Joys of Yiddish"), shares this pun:
"The rabbi gets the fees, but it's the moyl who gets all the tips."
Then there was the TV show, "Seinfeld." Jerry's primary goal was to be funny ("komish") and he shed light on the cultural intricacies that permeate the Jewish culture. That included everything from elderly parents ("di tate-mame") living in Florida to fears of witnessing a circumcision.
Season 5, Episode 5 of Seinfeld, "The Bris." Elaine
and Jerry are nervous about the religious duties they must do when
they agree to become godparents to a couple's newborn. The conversation:
Elaine: A mohel! What the hell is a mohel?
Jerry: A mohel is the person who performs the circumcision.
Elaine: Where am I going to find a mohel?
(Looking through the yellow pages, muttering)
How do you find a mohel? Motels, models....
Jerry: Oh, finding a mohel is a piece of cake. Any idiot can find a mohel.
I have the tough job. I have to hold the baby while they do it.
How would you like that job?
Then there's the story of the surgeon who retires from his "lang" (long)
career as a specialist in circumcision. Throughout his career, he has
saved "hunderts" (hundreds) of foreskins as momentos and now wishes
to turn them into a souvenir ("ondenk"). He takes his specimens to a
leathersmith and asks him to make something out of them. A week later
the surgeon returns and the leathersmith presents him with a wallet. "All
those foreskins and you only made me a wallet?" exclaims the surgeon.
The leathersmith replies, "Yes, but if you stroke it, it becomes a briefcase."
.
Another story:
The Emperor of Japan advertises for a new bodyguard. Three swordsmen
apply: one is Japanese, one is Chinese, and one is Jewish.
The Emperor lets a "flig" (fly) loose in the room and tells the Chinese swordsman to kill it. The swordsman sweeps down his blade and chops the fly in two. The Japanese swordsman is given the same test. He swings his sword twice and manages to cut the fly into quarters before it hits "di erd" (the ground). The Jewish swordsman is then given a fly. He chases it around the room, swings his sword a few times, then sits down with the fly buzzing round his "kop" (head).
"Why have you stopped?" asks the Emperor. "The fly is still alive."
"Yes," replies the Jewish swordsman. "But now it's circumcised."
And now to a more serious discussion about circumcision. The newspapers have reported that an Israeli rabbinic court has fined a woman hundreds of dollars for refusing to circumcise her "beybi" (baby) son. This landmark case has sparked a new uproar ("yerid") over the role of religion in the Jewish state
Rabbinic courts in Israel have authority over certain Jewish family matters such as "khasene" (marriage), "get" (divorce), and "kvure" (burial).
The mother, whose name was not revealed, has argued that the rabbinical court does not have authority oner the matter. Ronit Tamir, who is an anti-circumcision activist, called the rabbinic court's ruling "dangerous for democracy."
The mother said that "the baby was born with a medical problem, so we couldn't circumcise him on the 8th day as is customary. As time went on, I started reading about what actually happens in circumcision, and I realized that I couldn't do that to my son. He's perfect just as he is."
Shimon Yaakovi, legal adviser to the court, said it was the "ershter" (first) time a religious court in Israel has punished a parent for refusing circumcision.
This is going to be "a farshlepenish"--a long drawn-out matter.
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