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Marjorie Gottlieb Wolfe
Syosset, New York
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On June 9, 2013, Jackie Mason turned 82. Shown below is a Yiddish Guide to the star from Sheboygan, Wisconsin, who made his way to the Catskills and to Broadway.
“aktsen” (accent)
Jackie Mason says, “My relatives were born in Russia. I have more of
an accent than anybody else in the family. I think, subconsciously, I
was always imitating my father....When I started in show business, I
had no idea I had an accent.”
“alt” (old)
The Rev. Al Sharpton noted that in 1991 Mason apologized for calling
former Mayor David Dinkins “a fancy schvartze with a mustache.”
“arbet” (work)
“...has anyone ever seen a Jewish coal miner? Has anyone ever seen a
yarmulke with a flash light attached to it? A Jew may buy a mine, sell a
mine, but he would never go down INTO a mine.”
(Jackie Mason & Raoul L. Felder column, N. Y. Post, 5/11/95)
“betn mekhile” (to apologize)
On Aug. 28, 2006, Mason filed a lawsuit against a group, Jews for Jesus,
for using his likeness in a pamphlet. His image was used next to the tag
line, “Jackie Mason...A Jew for Jesus.” The lawsuit was settled in 2006,
with Jews for Jesus apologizing.
“doktor” (doctor)
“I should have been a doctor. In what other profession can a man tell a
woman to take off her clothes and send the bill to her husband?”
(Mason, quote)
egg cream
Mel Brooks said, “The egg cream is psychologically the opposite of
circumcision. It pleasurably reaffirms your Jewishness.” And Jackie
Mason says that “The secret to making good egg creams is to hold the
seltzer bottle six inches away from the glass. The distance is important.
This allows the seltzer spray to exert the right amount of pressure needed
for just the right foamy topping.
Hereʼs the recipe for The Jackie Mason Egg Cream:
3 tablespoons u-bet chocolate syrup, 1/2 Mason jar, cold whole milk,
enough seltzer to fill Mason jar.
1. Pour syrup into Mason jar.
2. Add milk to Mason jar.
3. Hold seltzer bottle six inches away from jar and spray amount
desired. Stir and serve. Makes a large serving.
“farglaykh” (comparison)
When Mason speaks about his problem with Ed Sullivan, he writes,
“Ed Sullivan was comparable to the Pope today [1990].”
“finger” (finger)
On the Ed Sullivan Show [Oct. 18, 1964], during a live telecast, Sullivan
interpreted a finger gesture Mason made as a lewd insult. Mason
claimed that he had never even heard of the middle finger gesture at the
time. Mason did not appear on the Sullivan show for 18 months.
“fliplats” (airport)
“People tell you what it feels like to land in a Jewish country--a
whole country of Jews! But thereʼs no way to explain the feeling.
You fly into an airport and you look up and you see the buildings
Hebrew letters. Letters that I learned as a boy on the Lower East
Side in Hebrew School. Here they are on official buildings, on
military aircraft. Not something you have to hide from the goyim
so they wonʼt beat you up on the way home from school.”
Source: “Jackie, Oy! Jackie Mason from Birth to Rebirth”
“fusbal” (football)
“I was so self -conscious, every time football players went into a
huddle, I thought they were talking about me.”
(Mason, quote)
“gelt” (money)
“An entertainerʼs not trying to bring you pleasure, heʼs trying to find a
way to get the money out of you to bring him pleasure.”
“I have enough money to last me the rest of my life unless I buy
something.” (Mason, quotes)
“gezunt vi a ferd” (healthy as a horse)
“My grandfather always said, ʻDonʼt watch your money, watch your
health. So one day while I was watching my health, someone stole
my money. It was my grandfather. I found out, thatʼs how he made
a living.”
Source: “Jackie, Oy! Jackie Mason from Birth to Rebirth” by
Jackie Mason with Ken Gross
“gliklekh” (happy)
Jackie Mason speaks about Ronald Reagan: “You know why heʼs so
happy? He canʼt believe he got the job. Itʼs not his field. He doesnʼt
get involved in politics. This is whole new type of president.”
Source: Jackie Masonʼs “The World According To Me”
“hatslokhe” (success)
Mason refuses to buy into the theory that success tastes sweeter
after an uphill haul. “You mean itʼs good to suffer for twenty-five
years, so you can enjoy it more when youʼre sixty? No, itʼs not.”
Source: Spotlight Magazine, Nov. 1990
“heym” (home/house)
Mason says, “Who needs a house with 37 rooms? What, one night
you feel like sleeping in one room and then one night you say, ʻNo,
tonight Iʼm sleeping in this room.ʼ”
In the Bʼway show, “Prune Juice,” Mason, in his gravel-voiced grumpiness, does an entire routine about the ways that gentiles and Jews approach purchasing a house. Gentiles measure a room carefully; Jews guesstimate with paces.
“inteligents” - intelligence
Jackie Mason has attacked President Bushʼs intelligence. He has told
an audience, “Bush canʼt accomplish anything here on Earth so he wants
to go to space, where thereʼs nothing, absolutely nothing.” And Mason
said, “Bush wants me to be alert? If a bomb fell from the sky and hit me
in the mouth, does it really matter if Iʼm alert or not?”
“kave” (coffee)
Mason makes fun of Starbucks: “And thereʼs no chairs in those
Starbucks. Instead, they have these high stools. You ever see
these stools. You havenʼt been on a chair that high since you were
two. Seventy-three year old Jews are climbing and climbing to get
to the top of the chair. And when they get to the top, they canʼt even
drink the coffee because thereʼs 12 people around one little table,
and everybodyʼs saying, ʻExcuse me, excuse me, excuse me,
excuse me...Then they canʼt get off the chair.”
Mason told an audience in Toronto, “Everywhere Jews go, they need some cake and coffee, like the goyim need booze.”
“khezhbn-firer” (accountant)
“Did you ever hear of a kid playing accountant--even if they wanted
to be one?” (Mason, quote)
“kʼnaidel” (round dumpling usually made of matzoh meal and cooked
in soup)
“I am as Jewish as a matzo ball or kosher salami.”
(Mason, quote)
“komiker” (comic)
“I donʼt think of it as a compliment when people say Iʼm not a
mountains comic. I started as a Catskills mountain comedian,
and if people would understand what that means, they would see
why Iʼm proud of it.”
Source: “Comedian Jackie Mason--Who Turns 82 Sunday--
Is Still Really, Really Funny” by David Evanier, Tablet Magazine
“komish” (comical/funny)
When Mason cut his first comedy album, the baby-faced Jackie gave
it a modest title: “Iʼm the Greatest Comedian in the World Only Nobody
Knows It Yet.”
“kompyuter” (computer)
“All the geniuses with computers love to tell you you can talk to
people all over the world if youʼre on line. Who wants to? You want
to talk to people all over the world? People donʼt talk to the guy next
door. People are standing in an elevator--do you talk to anybody?”
Source: “Love They Neighbor”
“krizis” (crisis)
Mason says “Gentiles treat me differently. They think of me in different
terms. They have a different attitude about me as a personality. Jews
live in a crisis situation all the time. Will they be thrown out of this
country? Will they get accepted at this job? Will they be called names?”
Source: Spotlight Magazine, Nov. 1990
“kvetshn” - to squeeze
Mason appeared in the Bʼway show, “Freshly Squeezed.” An ad read:
Dear Friends
Okay, for a brief crazy moment last year, I thought I was Hugh Jackman
and I could be a Broadway musical sensation. The advertising people
hated the title “The Jew From OZ” and the rest is history. I learned two
valuable lessons: #1 I canʼt dance and #2 donʼt screw around the act
that made you famous. So, now Iʼm coming back to Broadway with nothing
but hundreds of new, very funny topical ideas...”
“lakhn: (laugh)
“A Jew never laughs without looking at his wife for approval.”
(Mason, quote)
“lelekh” (cake)
Jackie Mason launched his new cheesecake, “Jackie Masonʼs Famous
BroadwayCheesecake.” It was produced by Rhodaʼs Best and was
lactose, cholesterol and butterfat-free and available in plain, chocolate
marble, cherry and strawberry. It was introduced at Kosherfest 2003
at the Jacob K. Javits Convention Center.
“mishpetn” (to judge)
Jackie Mason wrote, “These people who came to the shows at the
Concord came to judge you. Critics. “He did that joke about the
elevator music last year. It was funnier.” “He should use the joke
about the psychiatrist there. People always laugh at a good psychiatrist
joke.”
“muter” (mother)
Mason spoke on the Clintonsʼ taxes: “First he claimed he lost $69,000
on Whitewater. Then he remembers that actually, $20,000 of that he had
given to his mother. He said he found out from reading his motherʼs
memoirs. Who else could get away with this?” Mason wondered, “The
next time we get arrested for tax evasion, why canʼt we say, ʻI would have
known better except my mother never wrote her memoirs?”
“nomen” (name)
Jackie Mason was born Jacob Maza (Yacov Moshe Maza).
“oylem” (audience)
“My material is as new as anything on the dinner table. What
difference does it make if Iʼm 70 or if Iʼm 20? The audience knows
they arenʼt getting any old stories from me.”
(Mason, quote)
“oysgeputst” (dressed up--to the hilt!)
“Jews are the best dressers in the world. They buy the best clothes,
the best homes, the best cars. The best of everything. The only
thing is, they get it for less.”
Note: The Talmud says, “In your community your reputation matters. In a strange place, your clothing counts.”
“shandeh un a charpeh” (a shame and a disgrace)
“Eighty percent of married men cheat in America. The rest cheat
in Europe.”
(Mason, quote)
“shmooze”/”shmooz” (chat, talk)
“I talk to myself because I like dealing with a better class of people.”
(Mason, quote)
“schtick” - a special bit of acting
Some critics say that Masonʼs performances are like “a syrup of schtick
so thick it exceeds anything you would normally think possible from a
real person.”
“shatchen” (matchmaker)
Today young people meet on JDate, Chai-Expectations, Shoshannaʼs
Matches, or other websites. Mason says, “In the old days in Europe,
Jews didnʼt go anyplace. You met a person because there wasnʼt anyone
else to meet. Jews lived in a small town called a shtetl. Someone put
you together with someone and it was all artificially arranged...and the
families had to convince themselves that these two people really belonged
together.”
Source: “How to Talk Jewish” by Jackie Mason with Ira Berkow
“shvitsn” (sweating)
“Itʼs about time you applauded something. Iʼm schvitzing here for an
hour.”
(Mason, quote to audience)
sushi (Sorry, no Yiddish word for “sushi”)
“Hereʼs a piece of fish I forgot to cook.”
“Sushi has nothing to do with the Japanese. It was invented by two
Jews sitting around. ʻHow can we open a restaurant without a
kitchen?ʼ”
(Mason, quote)
“shokhn” (neighbor--masc.)
“shokhente” (neighbor--fem.)
Jackie Mason starred in a one-man show on Broadway, “Love They
Neighbor.” Jan Stuart [“On Theater, 4/21/96] wrote:
“This is what we are learning:
“toyten bankes” (itʼs going to do you as much good as riding a dead
horse)
“Toyten bankes is a hopeless cause.
“Someone in the real estate business is trying to sell his condominium
in Staten Island, but no one has bought a condominium there in sixteen
years. He says, ʻIʼve got an idea. Iʼll put in a swimming pool. Iʼll put in a
tennis court. Iʼll get a doorman.ʼ His friend says, “Forget it, Harold. Itʼs
a toyten bankes.”
Source: “How to Talk Jewish” by Jackie Mason with Ira Berkow
“tsores” (trouble)
Mason aroused nothing less than fury--or tsores--when he called David
Dinkins “a fancy svartzer.” He later apologized.
“tokhter” (daughter)
Jackie Mason has never publicly addressed the fact that he has a
daughter. However, after a paternity test showed with near certainty
that he was the father, Mason paid child support until Sheba turned 18.
“velt” (world)
In 1984 Mason opened in Los Angeles in a one-man show, “The
World According to Me!” He convulsed audience after audience.
“veter” (weather)
Mason writes, [weathermen], “They give you all kinds of information.
Itʼs a high tide...itʼs a low tide. You got a boat in the living room? Who
cares?...You know whatʼs even more ridiculous? When they tell you
the temperature at the airport. Who lives at the airport?”
Source: Jackie Masonʼs “The World According To Me!”
“vitz” (joke)
In 2002, Jackie Mason watched Robin Williams in a HBO special,
“Robin Williams Live on Broadway.” Mason alleges that Williams
ripped off several of his jokes. Masonʼs lawyer, Raoul Felder, fired off
a cease-and-desist letter to HBO. Williamsʼs attorney insists that he
has done no wrong. He stole nothing from anybody.”
Source: New York Magazine, 8/12/02
“zumer” (summer)
Mason was always popular. But in the summer he put in lots of time
in the Catskills. He performed at the Concord, Kutscherʼs, Grossingerʼs,
and The Raleigh.
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