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Marjorie Gottlieb Wolfe
Syosset, New York
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Mrs. Weinstein, a woman of 85, is crossing Queens Boulevard when she runs into her "dokter.' The physician gives her a "shmeykhl" (smile) and asks, "Vos makht ir?" (How are you?)
The old lady snaps at the "dokter! "You vant to know how I'm feeling?---My shoulder hurts, my head is throbbing, my gout is killing me and I can't sleep at "nakht" (night).
The physician, with empathy in his voice, says, "My gosh, if you're in such terrible shape, why don't you make an appontment and see me right away?"
The old lady says, "I'll call you after I finish my supply of chicken soup and feel a little "beser" (better)."
Shown below is a not-so serious chicken soup quiz. Grab a #2 pencil and let's see how well you do.
1. "Wayne Gretsky is the first person on a can of Campbell's Soup. That makes sense, to put a hockey player on the can of soup. It's probably the only thing you can eat without teeth." Which comedian told this joke?
A) Jay Leno
B) Conan O'Brien
C) Jackie Mason
D) Mal Z. Lawrence
2. Can you complee this Tony Randall corny skit?
Randall: "And what would you like for
dinner?"
Customer: "A bowl of chicken soup."
Randall: (Yells back to the kitchen)
"One chicken!"
Customer: "Waiter, I've changed my
mind. Instead of chicken
soup, I want pea soup."
Randall: [Yelling back to the kitchen]
"___________________________."
3. Who said, "The only thing chicken about Israel is their soup"?
A) Bob Hope
B) Judith Barrett, author, "Saved by
Soup: More Than 100 Delciious Low-
Fat Soups To Eat and Enjoy Every Day"
C) Marion Burros
4. Sen. Joe Lieberman said of his mother's
chicken soup,
A) "It's batamt--delicious."
B) "It can't hurt."
C) "It's 'geshmak' (tasty)."
5. Who starred in the 1989 TV show,
"Chicken Soup"? (The best part of the
show was when the star went up to the
rooftop alone to kvetch about life!)
A) Jackie Mason ("Dis is fantastic!")
B) Rita Karin
C) Lynn Redgrave
D) All of the above
6. "Life is Uncertain--Eat Dessert First!" ::
Buttercup Bake Shop ::
"We Cure Our Own Corned Beef:
Our Chicken Soup Cures Everything Else::
A) "Zaidy's, Denver, CO
B) "Stage Deli," NY
C) "Harold's," home of the largest
sandwiches in America, NJ
D) "Ben's Deli" (NYC, L.I., FL)
7. What are the Yiddish words for "soup"?
A) "zup"
B) "yoych"
C) "klotz kasheh" (foolish question)
8. Who said, "One spoonful of her soup and
I became a dragon, puffing smoke, some
of it through my ears. I could feel the
hot fluid mainlining it through my
eyeballs. If I ever made the mistake of
trying to put out the fire by swallowing
cold water, I found myself percolating...
To a kid coming home from school there
is no warmer reception than soup vapor
spelling out 'Welcome home!'...I am not
naive enough to think that soup or
meatballs is a cure-all for drug addiction.
I cite them only as symbols of the
relationship between child and home.
They have a good moral odor."
A) Michael Wex ("How to Be a Mentsh
(& Not a Shmuck")
B) Sam Levenson ("In One Era & Out the
Other"
C) David Sax ("Save the Deli")
9. The fabulous wealthy banker, Baron von
Rothschild was traveling through the
countryside and stopped for breakfast
at a little deli. The soup was absolutely
delicious. When he finished, the waiter
brought him "der khezhbn" (the bill).
Rothschild was stunned: $100 for a
bowl of chicken soup. That's
impossible. Is chicken soup so rare in
these parts? No, replied the waiter,
but _______________________.
Complete this joke
10. Which comedian said on stage, "My
mother cured everything with
chicken soup. We always prayed she
was right; her second choice was an
enema ("kane")?
A) Joey Adams
B) Don Rickles
C) Alan King
ANSWERS:
1. A
2. "Hold the chicken and make it pea."
3. A
4. B
5. D
6. D
7. A and B
8. B
9. Rothschilds are."
10. C
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