Glossary of Some Jewish Food Items
Latkes
A pancake-like structure not to be confused with anything
the House of Pancakes would put out. In a latka, the oil is in the pancake. It
is made with potatoes, onions, eggs and matzo meal. Latkas can be eaten with
apple sauce but NEVER with maple syrup. There is a rumor that in the time of
the Maccabees they lit a latka by mistake and it burned for eight days. What
is certain is you will have heart burn for the same
amount of time.
Matzoh
The Egyptians' revenge for leaving slavery. It consists
of a simple mix of flour and water-no eggs or flavor at all. When made
well, it could actually taste like cardboard. Its redeeming value is that
it does fill you up and stays with you for a long time. However, it is
recommended that you eat a few prunes soon after.
Kasha Varnishkes
One of the little-known delicacies which is even more
difficult to pronounce than to cook. It has nothing to do with Varnish, but
is basically a mixture of buckwheat and bow-tie macaroni [noodles]. Why a
bow-tie? Many sages discussed this and agreed that some Jewish mother decided
that "You can't come to the table without a tie" or, G-d forbid "An elbow
on my table?"
Blintzes
Not to be confused with the German war machine. Can
you imagine the NJ Post 1939 headlines:"Germans drop tons of cheese and blueberry
blintzes over Poland - shortage of sour cream expected." Basically this is
the Jewish answer to crepe Suzette.
Kishka
You know from Haggis? Well, this ain't it. In the old
days they would take an intestine and stuff it. Today we use parchment
paper or plastic. And what do you stuff it with? Carrots, celery, onions,
flour and spices. But the trick is not to cook it alone but to add it to
the cholent [see below] and let it cook for 24 hours until there is no chance
whatsoever that there is any nutritional value left.
Kreplach
It sounds worse than it tastes. There is a Rabbinical
debate pm its origins: One Rabbi claims it began when a fortune cookie fell
into his chicken soup. The other claims it started in an Italian restaurant. Either
way it can be soft, hard or soggy and the amount of meat inside depends on
whether it is your mother or your mother-in-law who cooked it.
Cholent
This combination of noxious gases had been the secret
weapon of Jews for centuries. The unique combination of beans, barley, potatoes,
and bones or meat is meant to stick to your ribs and anything else it comes
into contact with. At a fancy Mexican restaurant [kosher, of course] I once
heard this comment from a youngster who had just had his first taste of Mexican
fried beans: "What! Do they serve leftover cholent here too?!" My wife
once tried something unusual for guests: She made cholent burgers for Sunday
night supper. The guests never came back.
Gefilte Fish
A few years ago, I had problems with my filter in my
fish pond and a few of them got rather stuck and mangled. My son [5 years
old] looked at them and commented "Is that why we call it 'GeFiltered Fish'?" Originally,
it was a carp stuffed with a minced fish and vegetable mixture. Today it
usually comprises of small fish balls eaten with horse radish ["chrain"]
which is judged on its relative strength in bringing tears to your eyes at
100 paces.
Bagels
How can we finish without the quintessential Jewish
Food, the bagel?
Like most foods, there are legends surrounding the bagel,
although I don't know any. There have been persistent rumors that the inventors
of the bagel were the Norwegians who couldn't get anyone to buy smoked lox. Think
about it: Can you picture yourself eating lox on white bread? Rye? A
cracker? Naaa. They looked for something hard and almost indigestible which
could take the spread of cream cheese and which doesn't take up too much room
on the plate. And why the hole? The truth is that many philosophers believe
the hole is the essence and the dough is only there for emphasis.
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