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Reasons it's great to be a guy 1. Phone conversations are over
in 30 seconds flat. 2. Movie nudity is virtually
always female. 3. You know stuff about tanks. 4. A five day vacation requires
only one suitcase. 5. Monday Nite Football. 6. You don't have to monitor
your friends sex lives. 7. Your bathroom lines are 80%
shorter. 8. You can open all your own
jars. 9. Old friends don't give you
crap if you've lost or gained weight. 10. Dry cleaners and haircutter's don't
rob you blind. 11. When clicking through the channel,
you don't have to stop at every shot of someone crying. 12. Your ass is never a factor in a
job interview. 13. All your orgasms are real. 14. A beer gut does not make you invisible
to the opposite sex. 15. Guys in hockey masks don't attack
you. 16. You don't have to lug a bag of
useful stuff around everywhere you go. 17. You understand why 'Stripes' is
funny. 18. You can go to the bathroom without
a support group. 19. Your last name stays put. 20. You can leave a hotel bed unmade. 21. When your work is criticized, you
don't have to panic that everyone secretly hates you. 22. You can kill your own food. 23. The garage is all yours. 24. You get extra credit for the slightest
act of thoughtfulness. 25. You see the humor in Terms of Endearment. 26. Nobody secretly wonders if you
swallow. 27. You never have to clean the toilet. 28. You can be showered and ready in
10 minutes. 29. Sex means never worrying about
your reputation. 30. Wedding plans take care of themselves. 31. If someone forgets to invite you
to something, he or she can still be your friend. 32. Your underwear is $10 for a three
pack. 33. The National College Cheerleading
Championship 34. None of your co-workers have the
power to make you cry. 35. You don't have to shave below your
neck. 36. You don't have to curl up next
to a hairy ass every nite. 37. If you're 34 and single nobody
notices. 38. You can write your name in the
snow. 39. You can get into a nontrivial pissing
contest. 40. Everything on your face stays its
original color. 41. Chocolate is just another snack. 42. You can be president. 43. You can quietly enjoy a car ride
from the passenger seat. 44. Flowers fix everything. 45. You never have to worry about other
people's feelings. 46. You get to think about sex 90%
of your waking hours. 47. You can wear a white shirt to a
water park. 48. Three pair of shoes are more than
enough. 49. You can eat a banana in a hardware
store. 50. You can say anything and not worry
about what people think. 51. Foreplay is optional. 52. Michael Bolton doesn't live in
your universe. 53. Nobody stops telling a good dirty
joke when you walk into the room. 54. You can whip your shirt off on
a hot day. 55. You don't have to clean your apartment
if the meter reader is coming by. 56. You never feel compelled to stop
a pal from getting laid. 57. Car mechanics tell you the truth. 58. You don't give a rat's ass if someone
notices your new haircut. 59. You can watch a game in silence
with you buddy for hours without even thinking. "He must be mad at me". 60. The world is your urinal. 61. You never misconstrue innocuous
statements to mean your lover is about to leave you. 62. You get to jump up and slap stuff. 63. Hot wax never comes near your pubic
area. 64. One mood, all the time. 65. You can admire Clint Eastwood without
starving yourself to look like him. 66. You never have to drive to another
gas station because this he's just too scary. 67. You know at least 20 ways to open
a beer bottle. 68. You can sit with your knees apart
no matter what you are hearing. 69. Same work....more pay. 70. Gray hair and wrinkles add character. 71. You don't have to leave the room
to make an emergency crotch adjustment. 72. Wedding Dress $2000; Tux rental
$100. 73. You don't care if someone is talking
about you behind your back. 74. With 400 million sperm per shot,
you could double the earth's population in 15 tries, at least in theory. 75. You don't mooch off others' desserts. 76. If you retain water, it's in a
canteen. 77. The remote is yours and yours alone. 78. People never glance at your chest
when your talking to them. 79. ESPN's sports center. 80. You can drop by to see a friend
without bringing a little gift. 81. Bachelor parties whomp ass over
bridal showers. 82. You have a normal and healthy relationship
with your mother. 83. You can buy condoms without the
shopkeeper imagining you naked. 84. You needn't pretend you're "freshening
up" to go to the bathroom. 85. If you don't call your buddy when
you say you will, he won't tell your friends you've changed. 86. Someday you'll be a dirty old man. 87. You can rationalize any behavior
with the handy phrase "Fuck it!" 88. If another guy shows up at the
party in the same outfit, you light become lifelong buddies. 89. Princess Di's death was just another
obituary. 90. The occasional well-rendered belch
is practically expected. 91. You never have to miss a sexual
opportunity because your not in the mood. 92. You think the idea of punting a
small dog is funny. 93. If something mechanical didn't
work, you can bash it with a hammer and throw it across the room. 94. New shoes don't cut, blister, or
mangle your feet. 95. Porn movies are designed with your
mind in mind. 96. You don't have to remember everyone's
birthdays and anniversaries. 97. Not liking a person does not preclude
having great sex with them. 98. Your pals can be trusted never
to trap you with: "So ... notice anything different?" 99. Baywatch 100. There is always a game on somewhere. top of page
