Find Out Below
1 A woman whispers "Do me now, big boy" in your ear She is obviously:
a)Short sighted
b) Attempting to overcome
a lack of self-esteem through meaningless sexual gratification
c) Begging for it
d) A recording
2 In the company of feminists, coitus should be referred to as:
a) Sex
b) Fucking
c) Enclosure
d) The pigskin bus pulling
into tuna town
3 You should make love to a woman for the first time only after you've
both shared:
a) Your views about what
you expect from a sexual relationship
b) Blood-test results
c) A cab
d) Five tequila slammers
4 You time your orgasm so that:
a) Your partner climaxes
first
b) You both climax simultaneously
c) The director can set
up for a close-up
d) You don't miss Sportsnight
5 Passionate, spontaneous sex on the kitchen floor is:
a) Strictly for cats
b) Healthy, creative love-play
c) Not the sort of thing
your wife/girlfriend would agree to
d) Not the sort of thing
your wife/girlfriend need ever find out about
6 Spending the whole night cuddling a woman you've just had sex with is:
a) The best part of the
experience
b) The second best part
of the experience
c) A loathsome chore
d) $100 extra
7 Your girlfriend says she's gained two kilos in weight in the last month
You tell her that it is:
a) No concern of yours
b) No barrier to her finding
a new boyfriend
c) No problem - she can
join your gym
d) A conservative estimate
8 Today's sensitive, caring man is:
a) An ideal to which you
aspire
b) A myth
c) An oxymoron
d)
A moron
9 Your girlfriend announces that she is pregnant Do you:
a) Take her in your arms
and say: "Oh darling, this is the happiest day of my life"
b) Take her to bed and
say: "I might as well get hung for a sheep as a lamb"
c) Take her to the abortion
clinic
d) Take her phone number
and tell her you'll get back to her
10 A prostitute is:
a) A victim of male dominated
society and social oppression
b) Someone who provides
an essential service
c) A cheap date
d) A valued employee
11 A wife is:
a) A victim of male dominated
society and social oppression
b) Someone who provides
an essential service
c) A cheap date
d) A valued employee
12 Masturbation is:
a) Sex with someone you
love
b) A healthy exploration
of your erogenous zones
c) A team sport
d) A cheap date
13 How can you tell when your partner has an orgasm?
a) When she drops her
nail file
b) When she goes the colour
of a Chicago Bulls uniform
c) When the Earth moves
d) Who cares?
14 It is the day after a one-night stand Do you:
a) Call her
b) Call your lawyer
c) Call your doctor
d) Call your wife
15 Which of the following lines best fits into your ideal role-playing
sexual fantasy:
a) "Frankly Scarlett,
I don't give a damn"
b) "I've got a nasty swelling
down here, Nurse"
c) "You're a lovely, fluffy
little sheep"
d) "Another consonant
please, Carol"
16 You take a woman out to dinner and the bill comes to $300
Do you expect:
a) An overdraft
b) A blow job
c) Her to pay next time
d) A thank-you letter
17 You call your penis:
a) John Thomas
b) Terry-Thomas
c) Massive
d) On its birthday
18 Foreplay is to sex as:
a) Priming is to painting
b) Appetiser is to entree
c) Trailer is to feature
d) A queue is to an amusement
park ride
19 The slogan that sums up your sexual mores is:
a) Free Lorena Bobbitt
b) Free Mike Tyson
c) Free Willy
d) Free condom with this
survey
20 During sex you:
a) Haggle
b) Talk dirty
c) Talk of love
d) Talk on the phone
21 Your local Mayor is involved in a lurid sex scandal
You are:
a) Outraged
b) Implicated
c) Jealous
d) Never going to vote
anyway
22 A woman who consents to having sex with you when she is drunk is:
a) Easier
b) Unfortunately, probably
incapable of rational judgement
c) Fortunately, probably
incapable of rational judgement
d) A tricky defense in
court
23 Which of the following are you most likely to find yourself saying at
the end of a relationship?
a) "I hope we can still
be friends"
b) "Welcome to Dumpsville
Population: you"
c) "I'm not in right now
Please leave a message after the tone"
d) "Keep the change"
24 At what point do you put on the condom?:
a) Before you go out
b) Before you pass out
c) As a party trick
d) Never
25 You wake to find your partner clutching your penis in one hand and a
carving knife in the other Do you:
a) Talk through her anger
b) Shout "Look behind
you!" and make a run for it
c) Ask her to put down
the offensive weapon
d) Ask her to put down
the knife
26 A woman who is uncomfortable watching you masturbate:
a) Is uptight and a waste
of time
b) Probably needs a little
more time before she can cope with that sort of intimacy
c) May need glasses
d) Shouldn't have sat
next to you on the bus in the first place
