| Says | ||
| 40-ish | 52 and looking for 25-yr-old | |
| Affectionate | Needy and looking for mother-figure | |
| Artist Delicate | ego badly in need of massage | |
| Athletic | Sits on the couch and watches ESPN | |
| Average looking | Unusual hair growth on ears, nose, and back | |
| Casual style | Dirty jeans, mismatched clothes for every occasion | |
| Communicator | Whines on and on about previous relationships | |
| Distinguished-looking | Fat, gray, and bald | |
| Educated | Will always treat you like an idiot | |
| Employed | On management track at Radio Shack | |
| Financially Secure | I will spend some money on you, in return for which you will obey for the duration of your mortal life! | |
| Free Spirit | Sleeps with your sister | |
| Friendship first | As long as friendship involves nudity and sex | |
| Fun | Good with a remote and a six pack | |
| Good looking | Arrogant bastard | |
| Honest | Pathological Liar | |
| Huggable | Overweight, more body hair than Gentle Ben | |
| ISO Slim, attractive | Would be better off with a Labrador retriever female | |
| Light drinker | Headed for AA | |
| Likes to cuddle | Insecure, overly dependent | |
| Likes romantic walks | I read Cosmo and think this is what you
want to hear while I undress you on the beach |
|
| Mannerly | Talks with a mouthful, leaves bathroom a mess | |
| Mature | Until you get to know him | |
| Open-minded | Wants to sleep with your sister but she's not interested | |
| Physically fit | I spend a lot of time in front of mirrors admiring myself | |
| Poet | Once wrote on a bathroom stall while constipated | |
| Professional | Owns a white button down | |
| Romantic | Will take you to his favorite Place on your birthday | |
| Reliable | Shows up on time--give or take 3 hours | |
| Self-employed | Same as for women and eat nachos all weekend | |
| Sensitive | Needy | |
| Smart | Thinks Cheers is "the wittiest show ever on TV" | |
| Spiritual | Once went to church with his grandmother on Easter | |
| Stable | Occasional stalker, but never arrested | |
| Thoughtful | Says "Please" when demanding a beer | |
| Virile | Can read 3 Penthouse Forums without passing out | |
| Widower | Wants everything just like it used to be with Her | |
| Young at heart | Pedophile | |
| Young ideas | You can pay your own way | |
