NOMINEE #1 [San Jose Mercury News] An unidentified man, using a shotgun like a club to break a former girlfriend's windshield, accidentally shot himself to death when the gun discharged, blowing a hole in his gut.
NOMINEE #2 [Kalamazoo Gazette, 4-1-95]James Burns, 34, of Alamo, Mich., was killed in March as he was trying to repair what police described as a "farm-type truck." Burns got a friend to drive the truck on a highway while Burns hung underneath so that he could ascertain the source of a troubling noise. Burns' clothes caught on something, however, and the other man found Burns "wrapped in the drive shaft."
NOMINEE #3 [Reuters, Mississauga, Ontario] A man cleaning a bird feeder on his balcony of his condominium apartment in this Toronto suburb slipped and fell 23 stories to his death, police said Monday. Stefan Macko, 55, was standing on a wheeled chair Sunday when the accident occurred, said Inspector D'Arcy Honer of the Peel regional police. "It appears the chair moved and he went over the balcony," Honer said. "It's one of those freak accidents. No foul play is suspected."
NOMINEE #4 [Hickory Daily Record 12/21/92] Ken Charles Barger, 47, accidentally shot himself to death in December in Newton, NC, when, awakening to the sound of a ringing telephone beside his bed, he reached for the phone but grabbed instead a Smith&Wesson 38 Special, which discharged when he drew it to his ear.
NOMINEE #5 [UPI, Toronto] Police said a lawyer demonstrating the safety of windows in a downtown Toronto skyscraper crashed through a pane with his shoulder and plunged 24 floors to his death. A police spokesman said Garry Hoy, 39, fell into the courtyard of the Toronto Dominion Bank Tower early Friday evening as he was explaining the strength of the building's windows to visiting law students. Hoy previously had conducted demonstrations of window strength according to police reports. Peter Lauwers, managing partner of the firm Holden Day Wilson, told the Toronto Sun newspaper that Hoy was "one of the best and brightest" members of the 200-man association.
NOMINEE #6 [AP, Cairo, Egypt, 31 Aug 1995 CAIRO, Egypt (AP) Six people drowned Monday while trying to rescue a chicken that had fallen into a well in southern Egypt. An 18-year-old farmer was the first to descend into the 60-foot well. He drowned, apparently after an undercurrent in the water pulled him down, police said. His sister and two brothers, none of whom could swim well, went in one by one to help him, but also drowned. Two elderly farmers then came to help, but they apparently were pulled by the same undercurrent. The bodies of the six were later pulled out of the well in the village of Nazlat Imara, 240 miles south of Cairo. The chicken was also pulled out. It survived.
NOMINEE
#7 [Bloomburg News Service, 25 March] A terrible diet and a room with no
ventilation are being blamed for the death of a man who was killed by his
own gas There was no mark on his body but autopsy showed large amounts
of methane gas in his system. His diet had consisted primarily of beans
and cabbage (and a couple of other things). It was just the right combination
of foods. It appears that the man died in his sleep from breathing from
the poisonous cloud that was hanging over his bed. Had he been outside
or had his windows been opened, it wouldn't have been fatal. But the man
was shut up in his near airtight bedroom. He was ". . .a big man with a huge capacity for creating [this deadly
gas]." Three of the rescuers got sick and one
was hospitalized.
NOMINEE #9 [18 May 93, San Jose Mercury News] A 24-year-old salesman from Hialeah, Fla., was killed near Lantana, Fla., in March when his car smashed into a pole in the median strip of Interstate 95 in the middle of the afternoon. Police said that the man was traveling at 80 MPH and, judging by the sales manual that was found open and clutched to his chest, had been busy reading.
NOMINEE #10 [1/29/96 The News of the weird.] JOINT NOMINEE Michael Anderson Godwin made News of the Weird posthumously in 1989. He had spent several years awaiting South Carolina's electric chair on a murder conviction before having his sentence reduced to life in prison. n March 1989, sitting on a metal toilet in his cell and attempting to fix his small TV set, he bit into a wire and was electrocuted. On Jan. 1, 1997, Laurence Baker, also a convicted murderer once on death row, but later serving a life sentence at the state prison in Pittsburgh, Pa., was electrocuted by his homemade earphones as he watched his small TV while sitting on his metal toilet.
NOMINEE
#11 ["The
Indianapolis Star", Wed., Dec. 4, 1996]. A Jay County man using a cigarette
lighter to check the barrel of a muzzle loader was killed Monday night when
the weapon discharged in his face, sheriff's investigators said Gregory David
Pryor, 19, died in his parents' rural Dunkirk home about 11:30 p.m. Investigators
said Pryor was cleaning a .54-caliber muzzle loader that had not been firing
properly. He was using the lighter to look into the barrel when the
gunpowder ignited.
NOMINEE #12 [AP, Mammoth
Lakes] A San Anselmo man died yesterday when he hit a lift tower at the Mammoth
Mountain ski area while riding down he slope on a foam pad, authorities said.
Matthew David Hubal, 22,was pronounced dead at Centinela Mammoth Hospital.
The
accident occurred about 3 a.m., the Mono County Sheriff's Department said.
Hubal and his friends apparently had hiked up a ski run called Stump Alley
and undid some yellow foam protectors
from the lift towers, said Lieutenant Mike Donnelly of the Mammoth Lakes Police
Department. The pads are used to protect skiers who might hit the towers. The
group apparently used the pads to slide down the ski slope and Hubal crashed
into a tower. It was not clear if the tower he hit was one with its pad removed. "With
the cold temperatures, the snow was probably pretty fast," said Donnelly.
NOMINEE #13 [Reuters, Warsaw, Poland, 5 May 1995] A poacher electrocuting fish in a lake in central Poland fell into the water and suffered the same fate as his quarry, police said Thursday. The 24-year-old man was one of four who went fishing with a cable, one end of which they attached to a net and the other to a high-voltage electricity supply line, the PAPnews agency quoted a police official in Wloclawek as saying. "For a while everything went according to the poachers' plan and they had fish in their bags. But at a certain moment the man holding the net tripped and fell into the water," the agency said. The other poachers tried in vain to revive him, it said.
NOMINEE #14 [AP, St. Louis] Robert Puelo, 32, was apparently being disorderly in a St. Louis market. When the clerk threatened to call police, Puelo grabbed a hot dog, shoved it in his mouth, and walked out without paying for it. Police found him unconscious in front of the store: paramedics removed the six-inch wiener from his throat, where it had choked him to death.
NOMINEE #15 [Unknown] The poacher Marino Malerba, shot a stag standing above him on an overhanging rock, and was killed instantly when it fell on him.
NOMINEE #16 [Fort Worth Star-Telegram, 1-1-93] In December near Mineral Wells, Tex., three men who were attempting to steal copper wire off live electrical lines for resale were electrocuted. Copper wiring is a valuable scrap metal in Texas but is usually stolen from electric cables that are not being used.
Here
are some people that may be future nominees/winners, but still haven't
made it to the "Big
Leagues" (i.e., still in the gene pool) [UPI, Portland, OR] Doctors at Portland's
University Hospital said Wednesday an Oregon man shot through the skull by
a hunting arrow is lucky to be alive, and will be released soon from the
hospital. Tony Roberts, 25, lost his right eye last weekend during an initiation
into a men's rafting club Mountain Men Anonymous, in Grants Pass, Ore. A
friend tried to shoot a beer can off his head, but the arrow entered Roberts'
right eye. Doctors said had the arrow gone 1 millimeter to the left, a major
blood vessel would have cut and Roberts would have died. University Hospital
in Portland said the arrow went through 8 to 10 inches of brain, with the
tip protruding at the rear of his skill, yet somehow managed to miss all
major blood vessels. Neurosurgeon Delashaw also said had Robert tried to
pull the arrow out on his own he surely would have killed himself. Roberts
admitted afterwards he and his friends had been drinking that afternoon.
Said Roberts, "I feel so dumb about this." No charges have been filed but
the Josephine County district attorney's office said the initiation stunt
is under investigation.[Associated Press, Kincaid, W. VA] A man at a party
popped a blasting cap into his mouth and bit down,triggering an explosion
that blew off his lips, teeth and tongue, state police said Wednesday. Jerry
Stromyer, 24, of Kincaid, bit the blasting cap as a prank during a party
late Tuesday night, said Cpl. M.D.Payne. "Another man had it in an aquarium,
hooked to a battery, and was trying to explode it," Payne said. "It wouldn't
go off and this guy said, 'I'll show you how to set it off. "I just can't
imagine anyone doing something like that," Payne said.
Arkansas Democrat Gazette, July 25, 1996: Two Local Men Injured in Freak Truck
Accident, Cotton Patch, Ark. Two local men were seriously injured when their
pickup truck left the road and struck a tree near Cotton Patch on State Highway
38 early Monday morning.
Woodruff County deputy Dovey Snyder reported the accident shortly after midnight
Monday. Thurston Poole, 33, of Des Arc and Billy Ray Wallis, 38, of Little
Rock are listed in serious condition at Baptist Medical Center. The accident
occurred as the two men were returning to Des Arc after a frog gigging trip.
On an overcast Sunday night, Poole's pickup truck headlights malfunctioned.
The two men concluded that the headlight fuse on the older model truck had
burned ut. As a replacement fuse was not available, Wallis noticed that the
.22 caliber bullet from his pistol fit perfectly into the fuse box next to
the steering wheel column. Upon inserting the bullet, the headlights again
began to operate properly and the two men proceeded on eastbound toward the
White River bridge After traveling approximately twenty miles and just before
crossing the river, the bullet apparently overheated, discharged and struck
Poole in the right testicle. The vehicle swerved sharply to the right exiting
the pavement and striking a tree. Poole suffered only minor cuts and abrasions
from the accident, but will require surgery to repair the other wound. Wallis
sustained a broken clavicle and was treated and released. "Thank God we weren't
on that bridge when Thurston shot his nuts off or we might both be dead" stated
Wallis.
The 1997 Darwin Award competition These awards are given each year to bestow
upon (the remains of) that individual, who through single-minded self-sacrifice,
has done the most to remove undesirable elements from the human gene pool.
Note there was great improvement in the areas of teamwork and cooperation among
the candidates in 1997-- it's no longer an individual sport.
Here are (drum roll)
the 1997 runners-up and winners:
4th Runner-up: Robert Puelo, 32, was apparently being disorderly in a St. Louis
market. When the clerk threatened to call the police. Puelo grabbed a hot dog,
shoved it into his mouth and walked out without paying. Police found him unconscious
in front of the store-- paramedics removed the six-inch wiener from his throat
where it had choked him to death.
3rd Runner-up: To poacher Marino Malerba of Spain, who shot a stag standing above him on an overhanging rock and was killed instantly when it fell on him.
2nd Runner-up: Man loses face at party. A man at a West Virginia party (probably related to the man in Arkansas who used the 22 bullet to replace the fuse in his pick-up truck) popped a blasting cap into his mouth and bit down, triggering an explosion that blew off his lips, teeth, and tongue. Jerry Stromyer, 24, of Kincaid, bit the blasting cap as a prank during the party late Tuesday night, said Cpl. M.D. Payne.
"Another man had it in an aquarium hooked to a battery and was trying to explode it", said Payne. "It wouldn't go off and this guy said I'll show you how to set it off". "He put it into his mouth and bit down. It blew all his teeth out and his lips and tongue off", Payne said.
Stromyer was
listed in guarded condition Wednesday with extensive facial injuries, according
to a spokesperson at Charleston Area Medical Division. "I just can't imagine
anyone doing something like that, Payne said.
1st Runner-up: Doctors at Portland University Hospital said an Oregon
man shot through the skull by a hunting arrow is lucky to be alive and will be
released soon from the hospital. Tony Roberts, 25, lost his right eye last weekend
during an initiation into a mans rafting club, Mountain Men Anonymous (probably
known now as Stupid Mountain Men Anonymous) in Grants Pass, Oregon. A friend
tried to shoot a beer can off his head, but the arrow entered Robert's right
eye. Doctors said had the arrow gone 1 millimeter to the left, a major blood
vessel would have been cut and Roberts would have died instantly.
Neurosurgeon Doctor Johnny Delashaw at the University Hospital in Portland said the arrow went through 8 to 10 inches of brain with the tip protruding at the rear of his skull, yet somehow managed to miss all major blood vessels. Delashaw also said had Roberts tried to pull the arrow out on his own he surely would have killed himself.
Roberts admitted
afterwards he and his friends had been drinking that afternoon. Said Roberts, "I
feel so dumb about this".
No charges have been filed, but the Josephine County district attorney's
office said the initiation stunt is under investigation.
Last year's
winner, you will remember, was the fellow who was killed when he attached
a JATO (Jet Assisted Take Off) unit to his Chevy Impala and shot himself
and his car into a desert cliff at
300 M.P.H.
Now
this year's winners:
(The late) John Pernicky and his friend, (the late) Sal Hawkins, of the
state of Washington, decided to attend a local Metallica concert at George Washington
amphitheater. Having no tickets
(but having had 18 beers between them), they thought it would be easy to "hop" over
the nine-foot fence and sneak into the show. They pulled their pick-up truck
over to the fence and the plan was for (the late) Mr. Pernicky (100-pounds
heavier than Mr. Hawkins) to hop the fence and then assist his friend over.
Unfortunately for (the late) Mr. Pernicky, there was a 30-foot drop on the
other side of the fence. Having heaved himself over, he found himself crashing
through a tree.
His
fall was abruptly halted (and broken, along with his arm, as it were) by
a large branch that snagged him by his shorts. Dangling from the tree with
a broken arm, he saw some bushes below
him. (Possibly) figuring the bushes would break his fall, he removed his
pocketknife and proceeded to cut away his shorts to free himself from the tree.
Finally free, (did I mention he is THE LATE) Mr. Pernicky crashed into
Holly bushes. The sharp leaves scratched his ENTIRE body and now without the
protection of his shorts, a Holly branch penetrated his rectal cavity. To make
matters worse (?!), on landing, his pocketknife penetrated his thigh 3-inches.
(The late) Mr. Hawkins, on seeing his friend in considerable pain and agony,
decided to throw him a rope and pull him to safety (now he thinks of the "S" word)
by tying the rope to the pick-up truck and slowly driving away. However, in his
drunken haste/state, he put the truck into reverse and crashed through
the fence landing on his friend and killing him. Police arrived to find the crashed
pick-up with its driver thrown 100-feet from the truck and dead at the scene
from massive internal injuries. Upon moving the truck, they found John
under it, half-naked with scratches on his body, a holly stick in his rectum,
a knife in his thigh, and his shorts dangling from a tree branch 25-feet in the
air.
Congratulations gentlemen, you win.
