Airplane
Stories An airline pilot wrote that on this
particular flight he had hammered his ship into the runway really hard.
The airline had a policy which required the first officer to stand at the
door while the passengers exited, give a smile, and a "Thanks for flying
XYZ airline." He said that in light of his bad landing, he had a hard time
looking the passengers in the eye, thinking that someone would have a smart
comment. Finally everyone had gotten off except for this little old
lady walking with a cane. She said, "Sonny, mind if I ask you a question?"
"Why no Ma'am, what is it?" "Did we land or were we shot down?" From a Southwest
Airlines employee... "Welcome aboard
Southwest Flight 432, to Denver. To operate your seatbelt, insert the metal
tab into the buckle, and pull tight. It works just like every other seatbelt,
and if you don't know how to operate one, you probably shouldn't be out
in public unsupervised. In the event of sudden loss of cabin pressure,
oxygen masks will descend from the ceiling. Stop screaming,
grab the mask, and pull it over your face. If you have a small child traveling
with you, secure your mask before assisting with theirs. If you are traveling
with two small children, decide now which you love more. Weather at our destination
is 50 degrees with some broken clouds, but they'll try to have them fixed
before we arrive. Thank you, and remember, nobody loves you, or your
money, more than Southwest Airlines." United Airlines Flight
Attendent: "Ladies and Gentlemen, as you are all now painfully aware, our
Captain has landed in Seattle. From all of us at United Airlines we'd like
to thank you for flying with us today and please be very careful as you
open the overhead bins as you may be killed by falling luggage that shifted
during our so called "touch down." About 5 or 6 years ago I was on an
American Airlines flight into Amarillo, Texas on a particularly windy and
bumpy day. I could tell during the final that the Captain was really having
to fight it, and after an extremely hard landing, the Flight Attendant
came on the PA and announces, "Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to Amarillo.
Please remain in your seats with your seatbelt fastened while the
Captain taxies what's left of our airplane to the gate!" Another flight Attendant's comment
on a less than perfect landing: "We ask you to please remain seated as
Captain Kangaroo bounces us to the terminal." Upon landing hard, the
pilot gets on the PA system, "Sorry folks for the hard landing. It wasn't
the pilot's fault, and it wasn't the plane's fault. It was the asphalt." Fly
the Friendly Skies An award should go to the United Airlines
gate agent in Denver for being smart and funny, and making her point, when
confronted with a passenger who probably deserved to fly as cargo.
During the final days at Denver's old Stapleton airport, a crowded United
flight was canceled. A single agent was rebooking a long line of
inconvenienced travelers. Suddenly an angry passenger pushed his
way to the desk. He slapped his ticket down on the counter and said,
"I HAVE to be on this flight and it has to be FIRST CLASS." The agent replied, "I'm sorry sir.
I'll be happy to try to help you, but I've got to help these folks first,
and I'm sure we'll be able to work something out." The passenger was unimpressed.
He asked loudly, so that the passengers behind him could hear, "Do you
have any idea who I am?" Without hesitating, the gate agent smiled
and grabbed her public address microphone. "May I have your attention
please?" she began, her voice bellowing throughout the terminal.
"We have a passenger here at the gate WHO DOES NOT KNOW WHO HE IS.
If anyone can help him find his identity, please come to gate 17."
With the folks behind him in line laughing hysterically, the man glared
at the United agent, gritted his teeth and swore "(Expletive) you."
Without flinching, she smiled and said, "I'm sorry, sir, but you'll have
to stand in line for that, too." The man retreated as the people in the
terminal applauded loudly. Although the flight was canceled and
people were late, they were no longer angry at United.
